I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
