I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
