Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
