I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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