drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
