i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize