Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
