i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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