one two three fourrrrnication!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
