Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
