We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
