i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
