I heard we made out
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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