i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
