You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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