Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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