i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
