Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
