also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There's a naked man in my car right now.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
