What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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