A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
