In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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