fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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