Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
