Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
