This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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