I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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