So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize