I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
