We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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