Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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