We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
