my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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