she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
where are my eyebrows?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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