I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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