i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
