But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
