i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
