so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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