i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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