So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
