I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Randomize
