she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
