$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Oh god it's open bar.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
