well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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