yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
