I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
