This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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