I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
