Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
