dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize