Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
