No stitches, just platelets and will power
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
