I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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