she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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