Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
