I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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