Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
