i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
