Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
