i just wanna soil my oats bro
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
