well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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