I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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