At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
