oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
