how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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