its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
