I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
