Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
