Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
