u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
