now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
