Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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