He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
