That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
