No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
