thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
