Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
