its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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