my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
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