No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
