when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
