the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
