You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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