I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
