12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
