What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
