he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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