hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
