just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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