So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
