I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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