so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
