Im at strip club and am horny
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
