you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
