if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
