The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize