Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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