I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
