He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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