She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
