any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
