it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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