check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The feeling are messing with the penis
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
