Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
