apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
