If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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