My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize