i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
