dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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