i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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