Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
