i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
