You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
