You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
