Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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