True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
handjob tips. give me some.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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