Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
