i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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